Podcast for Singers
Overcoming Fear to
LIVE LARGE - Unapologetically!
Join your painfully honest, humorous, big-hearted host, Fearless Singer Mel Lathouras, to talk about what’s holding us Singers back from living our dreams.
This podcast is about empowering Singers to undo fear-based narratives that stop us from singing and expressing ourselves fully, creating our dream projects & music businesses. And talk to absolute bosses who are doing this work and succeeding.
Let's shine together! ✨🙌🏻
In this episode of Fearless Singer, I share my personal journey of dealing with imposter syndrome and the inner critic that can hold us back. I talk about how being more visible online and onstage can amplify these negative thoughts, but I also emphasize that it's normal to experience them.
I compare embracing these thoughts to popping a satisfying blackhead (sorry for the analogy!), as there can be something oddly gratifying about acknowledging and releasing them. I delve into a deep-seated story that has been on repeat in my subconscious, which revolves around feeling like nobody liked me and having no friends in high school. This narrative was hindering my efforts to promote gigs on social media, so I had to confront it head-on and let it go.
I also touch on another narrative I faced, which was feeling like I wasn't "Greek Enough" for a musical project called "Girl From Greece." Despite not speaking Greek fluently, I share how I navigated this challenge and the process of conquering these narratives.
Throughout the episode, I reveal some "motivation hacking" tricks I've learned from experts like Brendon Burchard and Mel Robbins. I even discuss using classroom behavior management tactics on myself to stay focused and motivated.
If you're struggling to kickstart your projects, this episode is packed with valuable tools and tips that can help you overcome self-doubt and move forward with confidence. Don't miss out on this treasure trove of inspiration!
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Mel Lathouras 0:00
Get a welcome to another episode of Fearless Singer. This is going to be a mini episode. I did promise an interview that's coming next week. It's been pretty hectic over here at Fearless Singer HQ, but in a really positive way. There's been the Fearless Singer showcase that was last Thursday night. We had little Mel and girl from Greece, featuring Tee West last Saturday, which just was just such a beautiful experience. So it was just felt like a real West End Community Music gig. And lots of lots of our beautiful friends from the Greek community came to that. And also, gosh, this week, we've got the feeler singer jam. So the first ever jam. The reason why I started that is because well, we've got the fearless singers showcase, which is for the members only. So the showcase is six times a year. It happens at can you keep a secret, we have our last big hurrah gig at the end of the year at it's still a secret. I'll have the dates and booking links up in the next couple of weeks. So yeah, and I have always had, sorry, leading up to now have had a big response from people saying I'd really like to sing at that. And yeah, and I would love to support other singers so this is a way of being able to open feel a sense of community up to the public and get some Yeah, some amazing singers on board and that's happening this Sunday at the bearded lady and yeah, we've got such a beautiful lineup of singers or women actually those those know men that responded to my little my little Adam a little classified ad. Yeah. And they all come from different walks of life all have different experiences when it comes to performing. And yeah, just gonna give it a good red hot go with a beautiful band that I've got lined up is going to be absolutely smoking. So yeah, if you would like to come down and check that out. If you're in Brizzy come down to West End Boundary Street to the bid lady Sunday afternoon, two to four. And this year come soak up the the feeler singer community vibes, and watch some phenomenal singers at the same time. I'm going to host it alongside my my bestie to Neil West, who's another beautiful singer and also a vocal coach. Yeah, so that's happening. And then next week, we have our girl from Greece launch, which is the production company that I created with my beautiful friend Catherine M and Latos. We also collaborate with our other dear friend Christina ZD league new. And yeah, we've got our official launch next Saturday night. It's going to be again another beautiful band. We've got a guy coming up Nico from Melbourne, who's gonna play bouzouki we've got Paul from Cannes. We've got Dr. Bob on bass. George Lughnasa is playing piano. We've got Natasha Mathis, who's playing percussion. So I'm gonna put the links anyway in the show notes. So come and yeah, again, soak up but you don't have to be Greek to covenant we Greek music Greek culture is really going to be a celebration of friendships, family, and yeah, a lot of storytelling in English, by the way, there'll be also a bit of bit of Greek language happening obviously in the songs. But yeah, so come and experienced that and be part of it. So this episode, it sounds like I'm just here to promote my gigs. But I wanted to let you know, it's actually what's been going on why it's been so hectic. But I also want to fill you in on some things that have been coming up for me. And some things that have been really friggin helpful. Because, you know, I don't know about you that probably sounded like I don't know, a list of anxiety you know, and to be honest, I do struggle with keeping everything together. There's you know, when it comes to putting together projects, there's a lot involved it's not just the music making it's the it's the marketing slash promotion it's taking photos it's writing copy there's a lot of logistics involved in organising venues organising sound organising your singers organising your repertoire. This there's so much when it comes to being a creative that you're balancing in terms of you know, actually doing the thing. And then there's your ego, your ego that comes in and goes Are you sure you're doing that correctly? Oh, but doesn't look very good. Oh, that doesn't sound very good. Oh, that's a bit clunky how you wrote that, oh god, you're a shit writer. I just had to stop that video because I had Australia Post at the door. And I'm not going to redo that video, because that's my, that's my latest little boundary with myself, I'm just not ever going to be editing these videos or redoing them. Because you should try this as a little bit of experiment, it'll it takes a bit of time to get used to talking to a camera. So I'm just having a chat with myself. In my mind, I feel like I've got all the images of people that I talked to, that are part of feel a singer or you know, the part of the community. I've always got you in my mind as I'm talking. But, you know, technically I am just looking at myself. And it does. It's sometimes if you get into that cycle of perfectionism with this, it sucks the frickin life out of you. So I've just got a you know, what? What's it all? That's what you get with me on Phyllis singer? Podcast. But yeah, I was just talking about ego and how it comes up, and tries to tell you that you know, good. And it also tells you that, gosh, you know, you're unlikable, and oh, gosh, you promote yourself, why to march and yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. And, you know, you've heard me speak about this a lot. You know, just because I have a a brand and a business that is around being fearless. Doesn't mean that I'm, you know, I've just suddenly evolved into this Dalai Lama who doesn't experience the critical mind, it's one of those things that you will always experience. You know, as you go along on your journey, there's always going to be a new layer, that you, you are unravelling. I just honestly, I love that image of that we're all onions. And we're just peeling off the layers as we go, revealing some of those hidden beliefs slash narratives about ourselves as we go along as we progress to, wherever we want to progress to. And I think definitely, when you start showing up, you know, consistently to talk about things about yourself, like and the things that you love, and to promote your music or promote your business, this, these little stories are going to come up. And the other, I guess, side effect of having to, you know, constantly coach yourself through those, you know, that those little niggling moments of self doubt is that it makes you freakin tired, it makes you so tired. And then when you've got a list of things to do, you've got these projects that you're juggling. It's like you are moving with a ball and chain. You know, this feeling of off that slomo like you're trying to, it's like a dream, you know, where you're sort of slogging your way you're trying to get to something, but it's so hard to get to it. Or if you're being chased that I've had that dream before. It makes you tired. And you have to get to a point where you go, do I want to keep hauling this, you know, ball and chain? The this is slowing me down. So that little visual has really helped me over the last couple of weeks, because there's been a few massive,
massive stories that I've had to let go of. And it will literally Oh, my goodness, I can't even describe to you because it's like, I can see that the story is playing out. But then there's a part of me because of you know, I've done the work that's going on, why are you thinking is why this is not true? You know, so there's still a conscious part that goes, That's not true. But the subconscious mind is still playing those tapes over and over again. So I've had to go right, I can't keep going on like this, there is too many things on the go to, honestly too many meals being made. And I'm here to serve. I'm here to serve the feeling of community and the vision and to be of service. I need to let go of the stories that have been yet holding me back or just making me feel lethargic. And there's been a couple of those big stories and I'm just going to be super honest. Even though it kind of pains me a little bit because you Do hashtag vulnerability. But one of them is this story around not being liked, and that people don't want to see me succeed. I'm just gonna say it feels painful to admit that, that that's there because I have got the biggest support network around me, I've got a friggin wonderful family, my mother is honestly, one of the best cheerleaders you could ever have in human being and my beautiful, beautiful friends, my beautiful community, I've just got so many amazing feel of singers who are just beyond supportive. So it's, it's funny that you would fixate on this, this feeling of oh, no, you know, I don't think people like me. And then you have to go, Well, hang on, where does? Where does this come from, and I'm just gonna be honest, it comes from childhood, I had a really interesting childhood. And obviously, it was an experience that had to happen. It was part of my evolution, where I was ostracised a lot of the times by by children, and by adults, you know, because I, you know, it was an interesting, different kid, I'm still an interesting different kid, by the way. And so I've had to go, come on, I understand, I hear you, I feel you that was really painful. But we've got to now we've got to let go of that story. We've got to let go of it. Because it's no longer of service to you. It's it's not going to be of service to the people that you serve. And also, there is an acknowledgement of Yeah, sure, when you're putting yourself out in the public domain, there are going to be there gonna be people that go, I don't like that girl. I don't like I don't know why, but I just don't like her. And that's, I think that's there needs to be an acceptance of that's normal human behaviour. There are people for whatever reason, they've probably done nothing to us. They, you know, living their best lives, but for whatever reason, they trigger us in some way, you know, or they set off a trigger response. And that's normal, you know, and the other thing is that there needs to be acknowledgement of, I can't control what they think, you know, they might think my voice is annoying. And, you know, they might think, oh, whatever, I'm not even gonna go through the list, because it's that's counter counterproductive. But I can't control I can no longer control that. And that's really tricky. If you're a codependent people pleaser, that's a hard thing to get over, you know that you because essentially, when you wanting people to like you so bad, there's an element of manipulation in that, you know, and there's an element of, you're not really being yourself, you're not being authentic. And then, you know, you get to a point where you're just like, I feel so angry and sad. And I don't know why it's because you've been trying to make people like you for so long. And they may not be giving you what you require from them back. You know. So that's been the biggest thing is letting go of that. And I tell you what, I'm going to be really honest, it got to the point, it just got really aggressive that feeling on Monday, and I had to go, right, this is going this, I'm going to be tapping on this once and for all, and I am letting this go. You know, and I tapped on also the anger and frustration that I was feeling towards myself that I hadn't quite got to that point yet. You know, I thought I thought i'd i'd i'd overcome it. But again, we get to another part of our spiritual development or another part of our career development, where these things come back. And it's just important that we see it like a bloody good, juicy blackhead. And we just pop it and you know, and then move on with our lives. And I did that through tapping. And I did I really feel as though I've shifted it, which is really thank God because there's too much on my plate right now to keep carrying that ball and chain. Now the other thing that I've mentioned before is this feeling of lethargy that you get from having too many things on the go, and obviously having to coach yourself through the critical mind. And that is this feeling of I don't have the motivation for this. I'm just not feeling this. This is like I just want to today I just want to I actually probably woke up like this last couple of mornings where you just want to lie on the couch and scroll for a bit But I know, I know myself that if I let that get out of control that can turn into a bit of a time sucker. And I've only just learned through Brendon, Burchard, Burchard Burchard does lead that you can practice motivation, and see it as a habit that you can cultivate. And this has been a game changer for me that seeing motivation as a habit, because half the time, I don't know about you, we don't really feel like doing much, we just don't, you know, sometimes we get a little flash of inspiration, and we clean our house, or we write that song or, you know, I don't know about you, sometimes you just even though I love my work, I love my job, I love going to gigs, but honestly, sometimes it's a bit tricky, like having to sort of peel myself off the couch to to get the I do, obviously, the motivation of a time line is really good for me. But also to get to a point where I don't have to, like, you know, might feel a bit like that for half a second. But I don't have to allow it to be a thing because I can practice motivation. And one of the biggest things is aligning with the energy of ambition. And this was from Brendon Burchard, this idea of you can tap into that energy of ambition. So you know, today, I want to I want to make about I want to make five motivational videos, and put it up onto the feeler singer, YouTube, because I believe in elevating, you know, singers love the idea of creating this platform where people feel heard, and seen, and are given the tools to elevate themselves, you know, whether it's, you know, to get themselves up on a stage or get their music out on social media, whatever that looks like. So aligning with this idea of ambition. The other thing too, and I'm just gonna put it out there, this is another one of those, you know, deep shares. And there's still part of my critical mind that goes, mate, it's like, look at the economy and the climate, currently, but I'm overriding that belief, I want to own a house by next year, I want to own my own house, it means the world to me to have a house and I want to own it. And I want it to be in West End, because West End is my spiritual home. I just, sometimes I think about moving, I don't know, it comes into my head. And I just go no, this is this is my home, it's my community. So that's the other thing. So aligning with that idea of okay, is this going to get me my house? Is this going to get me closer to that that goal and that dream? Or for you? It could be you know, something more musical related? Is this gonna get me to my one woman show is this gonna get me to start Q Pak, you know, whatever that is, make it big and beautiful and meaningful. And yet, feel it in your body, visualise it, and tap into that energy when you want to get yourself out the door. Or here in your little studio, running music or even cleaning your house. Because you know, we need a nice clean space to operate in, in order to get us to our dreams and and goals. So this idea of practising it.
Some other little tools that I use that are really helpful for me is the Mel Robbins 54321 I use it on I used it on the kids at school. Some of them were like, yeah, right, whatever. Get over yourself, don't count at me miss. But I actually use it on myself all the time, you know. So it could be it could be like 945. And I know I have to get myself ready for bed because I know that I need to be in bed by 10 o'clock in order to function the next day. And I know that I just I really want to keep scrolling and I go 54321 And I'm off that friggin couch, getting ready for bed. So use that like give yourself a little countdown. He can't think about it, you just have to do it. The other thing that I use too is I give myself I use choice theory. So the same thing I'm using are behaviour management techniques that I used to use in the classroom on myself. So the other morning I know that I need to walk in order to have good mental health and well being and I know that it just does wonders to my energy during the week. So I in the morning I don't feel like going for a walk. Or by the way, I have all my clothes sorted. So there's no excuse there. I say to myself, I'll give myself a choice. So I did this the other morning, I was like, Okay, if you don't go for a walk, you have to clean your kitchen, you should have seen how quickly I had changed into my walking gear, it was like a one of those puff prints moments, you know, in one of his music clips, where he just like appears, well, that's just happened, I just had my walking clothes on when I was out the door. So you know, that's the other thing you can do. Or I think it's called habit stacking, or could be called something else. But if there is like a task where you like Oh, spoons, but I really need to do it because it's important, as part of my business, or part of whatever it is that you're doing, could be learning words for show is to then tack it on with something that you do like to do. So for instance, the other morning, went for my walk came back and went, but you know what made your kitchen it still needs to be clean, it's a bit gross, having all those dishes and you know, the sink, you know, and they've been there for 24 hours. So then I then put my podcast on, listen to one of my favourite entrepreneurs, Tina, Tina tower, and I did my dishes and clean my kitchen. So that's the other thing too, you can attach the things that you don't like to do with something that you do like to do. So that's been really, really powerful. Now, the other thing that's come up for me as well, and I'm gonna talk more about this in another episode, and that's the imposter syndrome. Oh, my goodness, you cannot, no one is immune to this. And again, it can come at you at at any different angle because of different things that present in your life or different opportunities that come up that you think you're not ready for. And the the reason why this came up for me is because of this, the Greek concept we're doing girl from Greece, which I'm so excited about. It's going to be really beautiful. I've got family coming from Bundaberg. I've got my dad, my mom, my brother's gonna be there, my cousin Goldie. Most of the Greek community are going to be there. Now, I've mentioned this before in podcast interviews. I'm a quarter Greek. I have the last name Le theorists which is Greek. I was christened in the Greek Orthodox Church across the road by Father Gregory back in 1980s. I live in a very Greek home this wallpaper as I've mentioned multiple times in different podcast episodes. Is was created by my great aunt, Mrs. Baca Dori, she, you know, this was this is all her this is her style. And so I live. I'm very connected to my Greek culture. I don't speak Greek. I love Greek. I love the music. I love the language. I love how it feels in your mouth. I've struggled with learning pronunciation. So like your G's are not like they're kind of soft and back in your throat to agape. It's like you have to kind of push air as you say the Agape and then there's Hydra so that's a gut. Agape is love and Hara is joy. So it's like a little at the at the back. And it's a struggle because I am an English speaking Australian essentially. So yeah, there has been a real journey in yea. Overcoming that feeling of imposter imposter syndrome. Like, why would anyone want to listen to me sing Greek they've got my beautiful colleagues and very good friends Katerina, he meant a lot of us who, you know, is a straight she's Greek Australian as well, but she's, she speaks Greek beautifully. She's got the most beautiful voice. And Christina Zelich knew from Athens, you know, if you want that real traditional, beautiful, rich Greek sound, you know, and so and then there's me and it's so funny to even Lex statue wise and uh, no, you know, body image is something that again, we're all unravelling stuff in our minds because of diet, culture and all the rest of it. There are these two tall, stunning women and then there's little short by me in the middle. And you know, and, and I don't look Greek that's the other thing. I don't look Greek I look like my my beautiful mother, who has got more of a Scottish heritage, Scottish English and American actually is her family background. So Oh, yeah, it's just it's been a really interesting journey in coaching myself through that. So what do you do to coach yourself through that? Well, my biggest belief and what I teach is that whatever you identify us, whatever you say you are, that's who you are. You know, that is who you are. You know. And one thing I love about indigenous culture here in this in this country, is it doesn't matter if you know, you are you look like Snow White. But if your grandmother was from a different mob, like that's who you are, you are indigenous, and you're 100% embraced. And I think that's absolutely so inclusive and so beautiful. And, and I just, I just realised, well, actually, you know what, even though yes, I am far a little bit far removed from you know, being a full blooded Greek. Also, too, I'd really like to steer away from that language. It sounds like I'm talking about cattle, you know, I'm a quarter Greek. But yeah, I've just had to go well, no, I didn't I really align and identify with my, my Greek culture. I love my Greek story. I love our history, love the music, and that's who I am. It's part of who I am. It's in my blood. And I am an artist, foremost. And, and I'm a storyteller foremost. So you know, I love to, I love to tell these stories about people that were part of who I am, or maybe part of who I am. I'm carrying my great grandmother, Afra Dietz, DNA and my great grandfather, Jani. I'm carrying his DNA. So I am part of this culture. So yeah, just these are the little tweaks that you do to just to, I guess, start really aligning with your higher truth. Because at the end of the day, we're all you know, we're all just made of stardust, you know, and whatever you decide who you are, you know, even if you've never sung a bloody song on stage in your entire life, and you decide that you're a singer, you're a singer, you are no question. You know, all it takes for you is to start singing in the morning, or at any part of the day that feels good. And start like thinking about songs that you want to perform, and start visualising yourself on the stage, eventually, with a band, that's all it takes is just that, you know, aligning with that identity that you that you want and assuming it, you know, stepping into it. So that's I think the biggest thing for me with overcoming impostor is to Yeah, just to decide what you identify as. Give yourself multiple reasons. And know that that is enough. And that is okay. And you're loved. And yeah, anyway, I'm going to wrap this up. Now, because I've got one of my beautiful feeler singers coming over, I'm going to take some photos of her because I'm going to promote her. She's singing on Sunday, I wouldn't want to get some promo pics. And yet, so
please come and hang out with us on Sunday. If you're free if you're in the Brisbane area, at the beta lady, it starts at two it's only $10 Get in, but it's gonna be a really beautiful vibe. And there's a huge lineup of singers. I think there's like 14 of us. And also too, if you are interested in checking out girl from Greece, our launch concert is next Saturday night. It's going to be absolutely sublime. I can't stress it enough. The music is sensational. The singers are brilliant. Our band is brilliant. It starts at six. So it's a nice early one six to 730. And that's at SpeakUp studio in Spring Hill and I'm going to put the ticket link here in the show notes. And yeah, come again. It's really about come be part of our communities, the feel of the community in the Gulf embrace community. You won't be sorry and you will be embraced in both communities. Anyhow, lots of love to you and take good care.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai