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Mel Lathouras Fearless Singer Podcast Emma Sparks

Episode Highlights

The unsexy but comforting truth about confidence is that it can be obtained through daily practice—just like practising singing.

It’s an instrument that can developed and fine-tuned. Now I know that it also comes more accessible to those with privilege - that’s something that should not go unacknowledged.

In this Fearless Singer episode, I (Mel Lathouras) delve into confidence and how we can develop it.

I’ll provide practical steps we can all take away and work with, guiding you to improved confidence on your singing journey.

The first thing is to be a detective and be curious about why we are not reaching the goals that we say we want. We also need to start listening to what we tell ourselves and others.

If you are in the Brisbane area and you want to dive deeper, there’s a Fearless Singer workshop - Her Voice: Vocal Confidence & Power coming up on 4 May. You can learn more and enrol here.

 As always, I LOVE hearing from you - what resonates with you! What is one takeaway you got from this week’s episode. DM me or email. 

Love Mel X ❤️‍🔥🎤

P.S. I also spoke about our Fearless Singer Membership and the last opportunity to work with me 1:1 this year. You can get started here.

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 P.S. Apologies for some inconsistencies with mic levels - still getting my head around the tech! 

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Mel ❤️‍🔥🎵

 

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Transcript

It's Mel, with another fearless singer podcast episode, I just recorded the most genius podcast episode.
And I haven't hit record.
So let's start there.
Alright.
I've recovered from the shock of not hitting record on that last genius spiel.
I didn't even say ahh or ummm!
I didn't swear.
It was just this beautiful flow of diatribe (I misused this word 😆).
But I'm back.
I've recovered.
And let's talk about this week's podcast episode, which is about confidence.
What is it? Is it this magical elixir and this unattainable state of being that only middle age white men have, or is it something that we can practice and have? Well, I'm here to tell you it is something that we can practice and have an and I know that middle aged white men do listen to my podcast.
So obviously, I'm not talking about you.
And Let's get into this juicy topic.
Now, I also want to mention too that have a really cool workshop.
Oh my gosh.
Those adjectives.
They're really coming naturally to me now, second take.
I have a cool workshop coming up.
It's called her voice, getting that vocal confidence in power.
It's on 4th May.
If you're in Brisbane, please come along.
It's a Full day workshop, 10 till 3.
It's a Saturday.
We're going to be at the Thomas Dixon Thomas Dixon Center here in Stend.
It's just off Montecoup Road.
It's where the Queensland Belay Company is.
And we're going to dive deeper into this idea of of confidence, and you will be learning about the the voice, the anatomy, the function, and how to explore and play.
But what we're going to do is do a bit of a deep dive into this thing between our two ears.
And, you know, you might be sitting here going, confidence.
Interesting.
I love myself.
I like myself, and you know, I don't feel like I need to go any deeper.
But I, I, I tell you one thing.
Oh, well, I ask you one thing.
And that is, If you have got these big goals and dreams w and maybe you have reached them and that's fantastic.
But if you have not reached them yet, and it's one of those things that keeps getting pushed back year to year, then I would ask you to explore that a little bit deeper and ask, okay, well, why is it that I'm not moving forward towards these things that I wanna do.
And I know that this idea of confidence is such a big blanket sort of statement.
Yeah.
Of course, you you probably do, uh, feel like you have some tenets in your body of self love and respect and, but there may be something working, a narrative.
And it might not be super conscious that it's actually holding you back from those big dreams and goals.
Now let's let's put it out there.
What are these big dreams and goals that we may have? It could look like getting a gig at the Brisbane Jazz Club.
It could look like getting a band together and, you know, getting your set list together and putting yourself out as a corporate act or applying for an agency.
It could look like recording your first album.
It could look like taking your band to Europe and touring.
It could look like writing your one person show.
There's there are so many beautiful things that we could be doing as singers and creatives.
And we say we wanna do them, but they're not actually happening.
And it'd be really interesting to start to explore that, be curious.
Why aren't those things happening? I've been talking about these things for years.
And if you dig a little bit deeper, there would be some kind of belief that you're not enough.
You're not capable enough.
You don't have anything interesting to say.
And then if you dig a little bit deeper, there would be a reason for that.
There would be a a memory connection.
And the good news is, and it's not it's not sexy because, you know, the whole idea of confidence is, uh, in the self help world, it's it's you know, blazing everywhere, get your confidence back through this system and this system, but the actual reality of the situation is we're just a culmination of all the thoughts that we keep thinking, that haven't that that that have formed into beliefs, set of beliefs about ourselves in relationship with the world, with our past, with our present, That's all we are.
We're just a combination of thoughts and chemicals, and we can change that.
And the way old pattern.
So when they do come up, some of my most favorite things in the world is actually coming face to face.
With something I hadn't actually dealt with inside of me, you know, because I see it as data, I go, oh, it's like a big juicy blackhead need to pop out.
It's like it's actually one of my favorite things to do is to find out about shitty things about myself or things.
She thinks that I believe about myself, to be true.
So I can get rid of it because I always think, oh, that's like, it's taking up prime real estate in my body and in in my memory and no.
I I've got my eyes on bigger and fun things to do in this lifetime.
So I really wanna I just wanna focus on that.
So hence why it doesn't bother me that I sometimes discover like, oh, yeah.
I get it like that.
Oh, and then I go, oh, okay.
I do actually.
I'm gonna get rid of it.
So that that's basically in a nutshell how we get the confidence And I know that, like, it's easy to say, like, it's an easy thing to just say this is what it is, and this is how we address it.
But The workshop on the 4th May, so it's Saturday.
I think I mentioned this before.
I'm a little bit confused because I just recorded a podcast episode, as I mentioned, And I don't know if I've said this in this podcast episode.
Uh, but yeah, 4th May, Saturday, we're going to do a bit of a deep dive.
And I have to tell you that some of the things that we think are these big, big dreams and goals, are so doable.
All the things that I mentioned before, you can do that if that's what you want to do, and it really does not matter what you're skill, what you perceive your skill level to be.
And it all it takes is to go, that is what I want.
That thing.
Okay.
Alright.
Let's set a date.
Now let's reverse engineer it and step by step move towards it.
Seriously, that's I I mean, it seems so simple, and yet it's not because, again, with just these walking pots of this stuff that we tell ourselves, you know, and if we start to question those narratives and dive a bit bit deeper and interrupt those patterns and, and then retell ourselves the story of, you know, I'm just gonna give this a good crack anyway.
And if I get pointed at and laughed at and run out of town with a pitchfork, that's the chance I'm gonna take.
That's confidence, basically, is to go, this is probably gonna feel a bit squishy and yucky and a bit hard, but I'm gonna I'm gonna give it a good good red hot go anyway.
And we're going to blow that deeper, and and and I'll be giving you some practices that I use daily as well.
And they look like emotional freedom technique.
I won't even go into the I won't even go bore you with the details.
We're just literally going to do this stuff, and you're going to feel the effect.
And you're going to see, eventually, see the results by just doing.
And other nervous system regulation tools that then tells our body we're safe.
We're safe.
It's everything's okay.
And the more that we come back to that regulated state, And we input our little computers with the narratives or the data that we want to program in, Uh, then we start to see the changes in our outside reality.
And there is no coincidence that We have fearless singer members who literally were too frightened to come in for their first singing lesson, one on 1, and who are now One in particular is writing her own well, has written her own show.
It's been picked up by a theater company here in, in Brisbane.
She's working with 1 of Brisbane's best producer music directors.
Uh, it's going to be also, uh, presented as part of a festival this year, and this was just this, like, real pie in this guy, like, I don't know if I could do that, Mel.
Even though you just knew that this this present was just such a end is such a beaming star.
And, of course, they can do it.
And, of course, they should do it.
And it's happening.
It's it's actually something that seems so, like, I don't think that I can do that is now happening for them.
And that can be happening for you as well.
And it really, like I said, it's not very sexy.
All it does take is starting to shift some of the narratives, and it will be on a daily basis.
And it's all comes back to consistency and what you tell yourself.
And, you know, and as you go along, things will come up.
You'll start to get pushed back from people who are like, I don't like this side of you.
You know, I, I preferred it when you thought you were small, you know, and you just deal with it.
And it just you just go, well, you know, we're all gonna die.
So we might as well just make this, you know, take this, these chances and play and be okay with oh, this doesn't feel familiar, so it does feel yucky in the system.
And because sometimes it's scary that Some of the things that we are comfortable to us are so detrimental to our success and our well-being, you know, because it's how we've lived our lives, you know, we thought that that was normal.
Um, you know, and then how, like, when you start to empower yourself how that feels yucky in the body.
And you're like, oh, this is a side to me.
I didn't know even existed.
And then we have the tools then to come in and and yet let the body feel safe and calm and regulate so that it starts to then integrate this new way of being, which is going to bring those things to you that you desire and that you should have and do, not because of any other fact that you're here and you exist You don't have to prove yourself to be able to get these things.
That's an old, old narrative.
We'll just keep that in the past.
And if you haven't read the my last week's blog post, article about all the dispelling all the myths, around the voice, but also around success.
This idea of, oh, no, I should have been doing this when I was 5.
I should have been learning singing when I was 5.
And should have been a star by the time I was seventeen.
I've missed the boat.
You know, they're, honestly, like, they just don't makes sense in this reality.
It's it's ageist as well, and we just wanna leave that all those beliefs in the past.
And now your job is to go, okay.
Come on.
Tell me.
What do I believe in? Like, because a lot of this stuff is lurking.
Like I said, sometimes I get reminded of things that I believe in, and I go, yuck.
Didn't I actually think that about myself? Because we're We're not conscious of it a lot of the times.
So that's why it's such a blessing when it comes up to the surface, because then you can get rid of it.
So that's our job is to, 1, start becoming detectives as to what what are these thoughts that I keep thinking? What are these things that I keep saying to other people? List start to listen to yourself when you talk to people about your singing in your dreams.
You know, what are you, you know, there's also this feeling of when you do share your dreams.
Um, you know, you have to pick, you have to pick your audience because there are people that are like, how day you have dreams, and then you start to feel small again.
So we always want to stay in this beautiful expensive state because that is our natural way of being.
It's it's the old world that wants to keep you small.
You know, that We can just let that go.
And this is just a moment now is to go, okay.
Well, hit pause.
Take out a piece of paper before you do hit pause.
Take out a piece of paper and ask yourself the question.
Write it down.
This is a really powerful tool.
What do I believe in about my dreams and about my voice? And let yourself just do a bit of a stump, a stream of consciousness.
Doesn't even have to make sense.
Just write, write, write, write, write, and read it back.
That's a wonderful, powerful excavation tool to bring stuff up.
Uh, some of us are blessed to have friends that we can, we can do some of that heavy duty excavation work with and they don't mind because they they do the same thing to you and it's mutual and, you know, so Find one of those people do a bit of a and listen to yourself.
Because remember, when we say things out loud.
Even if we're not consciously listening, our body is listening and taking it on his memory and taking it on his truth.
So remember, whatever we say our body is listening to us.
So we wanna make it nice.
Now, the other thing I want to mention too, so yes, we're going to start becoming detectives of what what it is that we believe in so we can interrupt those narratives.
We can just weed them, you know, like we're gardening.
And we then also wanna start now coding in the beliefs or the thoughts that will turn into beliefs of what we want to be true.
Now you don't have to start off by saying anything outrageous because it has to be feel true to the body.
So you can start off with Even just this idea of I don't have to prove myself to anybody.
You don't, you don't.
You don't have to prove yourself.
Just That is an old narrative.
You can get rid of that.
You can also start programming that, you know, I'm enough.
Um, I'm enough as I am, There are people out there who have got similar voices or even voices that maybe aren't as developed as mine who are succeeding at doing the things said that they wanna succeed at.
Because, really, the talent thing, it that's also a bit of a myth as well.
Because regardless of what you perceive your ability to be, you can find a strength or or quality or a niche that you can you can double down on and present that.
You know? So and and I would it might actually be helpful to find examples of people in the world who aren't that classic you know, talent.
They don't have that, the golden luscious tones, like Frank Sinatra, but they have created an incredible career just on their storytelling and being authentic and just being themselves.
So finding examples of those type of artists, Bob Dylan, Marion Faithful, you know, obviously there were also Pioneers of a time as well.
But we can be pioneers of a time.
There's no reason why those things can't happen for us if that's what you want.
So we want to recreate.
We wanna retell the narrative.
We're coding in a different story.
And then eventually, it'll get to a point where it'll just be like, uh, I just will make this goal and I'm gonna reverse engineer, and I'm gonna move myself towards it.
And, also, you don't have to put a time limit on it either, depending on you know how you work best for me, deadlines, deadlines are phenomenally powerful for me.
Like, for instance, I didn't actually really particularly feel like recording this podcast episode, but apparently, conspiracy theorists say that the world's gonna end at 3 o'clock tomorrow, which when I think about it, kind of, you know, you wouldn't be getting this till 7 o'clock anyway.
So it's kind of pointless, but I love doing this.
So this is how I'm gonna spend my last hours, if this is the truth.
Um, anyway, I joke and be flippant, but, you know, people each to their own, they can believe whatever they like.
So, you know, giving yourself a deadline is really helpful, but if if that, you know, that actually, you know, that does not work for me.
That will just freak me out, then you work with what you know to be true.
And maybe you could change that narrative even about around deadlines.
As well.
Yeah.
Confidence.
It literally is just like a song that we practice every day.
It's really not as sexy as what I'd I'd hoped it to be when I was in my late twenties, early thirties.
I was just kinda hoping that It would be something I could buy.
You know, come on, please.
I don't wanna do any inner work.
Just make me confident.
But, you know, I just realized it's just a muscle that I keep strengthening on a daily basis, and here I am, and I go for things, and I do things.
And if I am not moving towards a particular goal that I know I really want.
I go, okay.
Why? What is it that you still believe? And then it comes to me, and then I interrupt it.
And then they go, alright.
Okay.
I'm I'm going for this thing now because I've dealt with it.
So anyway, let me know if any of this stuff resonates.
If any of this is helpful, We will be diving deeper at the her voice workshop.
Now, I I have created this for women or female identifying folk non binary, uh, but in the nature of being inclusive, if you are if you're a cishet male, And but you've very much identify with the feminine, obviously talk to me.
I don't wanna be, um, not inclusive, but This is the reason why I am teaching this to our female identifying folk is because culturally and socially We have struggled with this the most because of the society that we live in, and I wanna do my bit in helping us move the needle forward collectively.
So this is who I'm talking to.
If you identify as your fem identifying, And any of this stuff rings true and you wanna go a bit deeper and you want a space to really explore this now, I can't promise that you're you're gonna be healed or cured in that workshop, but you will go home with with the tools There's the regulation tools, those tools to interrupt the patterns, and, yeah, with a real renewed sense of, I've I've got this.
If I just affirm these things every day.
And then when things come up, I'm going to address them, and I'm I'm I'm going to reverse engineer my goals and I'm going to move towards them if that feels like something that you wanna learn more about and go deeper.
And at the same time, be exploring this phenomenal instrument that we have.
This instrument is not just our singing, our speaking voice.
This is what creates the change.
This is what creates change in our world and other worlds.
This is powerful, so learning how to use it to its full potential.
Oh my god.
Watch out.
So if that feels good to you, I've got the link to the workshop below 4th May a Saturday, there is, um, an option to do Afterpay.
It's 2247.
So that's the price of a one on one with me.
For the day, um, and it's here in Westend.
And, yeah, you'll just be loaded up with tools and you'll just have a beautiful day connecting with some really, uh, some of the people that have booked in so far, just so beautiful and so kind and It'll just be a really lovely space to come and hang out in for a day.
So please just go to the link below, check it out, book in, Uh, there's limited spots as well.
I'm keeping it small because, you know, just wanna be able be present for everyone who's in the room.
And also, I just wanna mention very quickly before or I move on, how am I going for time? Yep.
Wrapping up now.
I just wanna mention that I'm actually at full capacity with my one on ones for this year.
So I won't be able to take on any one on ones into the membership.
It's completely closed.
The only way you can work with me now is through the group coaching ment mentorship, which is the fearless singer membership.
And I'll put the link to that as well.
So that's for a whole year.
It's $497.
Uh, and you get weekly sessions, you know, so wiki weekly vocalizing sessions, so learning about your voice using it.
So you'll get essentially a singing lesson.
Uh, plus the life coaching.
So that happens weekly within the the school terms.
So that works out to be 40 sessions over the year.
And on top of that, monthly, we have classes, which can be anything from vocal technique, mindset, to marketing and branding to business because fearless singer, I I haven't yet found anything like this, it's a container to coach singers.
And that's with our spirituality and wellness success.
So going for those things that we want, definitely learning about the voice and technique, but it's just one of the proponents to our overall who we are, our mission here on Earth.
And business.
So how to how to get more work as singers and how to package our special skills up and and our mission and our service, how we wanna serve the world, how do we get that out there? So this is one of those containers that does all of that.
If you can find anyone that does something similar, please let me know because I'm yet to find them.
This is basically what I have always wanted for myself is a, uh, a space where I could have you know, we there are some incredible singing teachers here in Brisbane, like in the world, obviously, who are amazing.
And, and I've, and I've been to a lot of them as well, you know.
And, and I've gotten so much out of, out of that coaching as well.
But I'm yet to find someone that will also help you get gigs and and and help you move towards the things that you wanna do.
So the life coaching component, there's singing teaching slash live coaching.
So if that's something that really, you go, yeah, I need that too.
I'd really love that.
We have, like, our group, our group members, so they don't come in for one on ones.
They come to the weekly sessions who are now just Like, oh my god, what's happening? I'm just I'm literally getting people offering me gigs left, right, and center, because they've opened up the portal it's coming in.
The flood gates are open.
They're getting the opportunities, and it's because they've been using some of the methods that I talk about.
So really priming the brain to receiving.
And, yeah, it's it's a really lovely space to be in.
It's going to also expand And at this stage, I've kept the price pretty low.
You can either come in, yeah, 497 for a whole year.
If you're like, okay.
I just wanna test the water's spit, for a bit, there's an option to get a 3 month.
Um, so it's 1 97.
So if you go after 3 months, you're like, ah, it's not really for me, then, you know, obviously no hard feelings.
Um, so there's that option as well.
And moving forward, yeah, this is probably the space that I'm moving into in terms of coaching is is is I wanna get the dismission out this this message out that we we can do the things that we say we wanna do, you know, or the things that we think, oh, it'd be kinda cool if this could happen.
We can make that happen for ourselves, and that's what I wanna be teaching.
This is also, too, if you sign up before 14th April, It's the last time you'll be able to put foot this year, 2024, to get a one on one with me.
So I'm actually offering as a bonus uh, a a bonus 30 minute one on one session with me.
You can come here into the studio, or we can do it online depending on where you are.
You have a whole year to use that, by the way.
Um, so as long as you use it within, um, you know, before December 2024, then, yeah.
So, yeah, check that out.
That's a fearless thing in membership.
So I'll put both links.
So her voice workshop, fearless thing in membership, That's not just the weekly sessions, by the way.
Everything that I create online this year, all of the courses and programs you get access to that as well.
There's a whole portal of singing exercises.
I will be creating a jazz course very, very soon.
Uh, as well as start growing the fearless in your academy, which will be all these singing exercises and and lessons.
So you will also get access to all of that.
So get in while it's while it's cheap, actually.
It's really cheap.
And, um, yeah, before it it's done you know, it it will just evolve from here.
Anyway, alright.
So anything that you heard in this session about confidence.
Tell me.
Does it resonate with you? What did you what what sort of went? You went Oh.
What stood out I really wanna hear from you.
Talk to you soon